He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
