I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
