i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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