And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
