I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The air was thick with penises
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize