I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
