sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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