my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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