I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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