Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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