I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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