I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
