is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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