what day is it and did you see me today?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
