i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
