No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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