a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
