Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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