I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
