I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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