whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
