remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
