I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
