My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
