I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
