it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
