Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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