Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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