obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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