Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
