I hate all girls vehemently.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
