This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
