dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love having hate sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
