he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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