I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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