Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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