now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize