need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
