one word: firstdatebathroomanal
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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