i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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