So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
