also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
