all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
