Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
