bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
