i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
