highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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