I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize