why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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