When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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