This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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