if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
