I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
