It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
