what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
