I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
