Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
