I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
