I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
