i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
