I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
