I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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