I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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