you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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