they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
