Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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