see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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