I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
