so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
